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Ashley Butterfield, 31, has been around the world - but a visit to India brought home the particular challenges of being a lone black female tourist. Although not a question that one typically expects when requesting the bill, I was not unsettled. Having worked in international development for the past seven years and having travelled in 30 countries, mostly alone, I have grown accustomed to hearing things that most people would find jarring. However, I didn't feel defiant, upset or even threatened by him. This was not the first time I'd experienced this sort of thing.
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This summer I went through my very first breakup. I recapped the entire thing to my friend over a hysterical video chat, beginning with the arguing, leading up to the Tinder notification, and ending with the discovery of another woman's nudes in his deleted iCloud folder. My friend's very first question, amidst my tears and freshly packed suitcases was, "Was she Black? Trying so hard to delete the memory of the mysterious woman in the photo from my mind, I didn't at all question why our races mattered, or why my white friend felt so compelled to ask. Her race did not once cross my mind, but rather how the man I loved had his arms wrapped lovingly around a woman who was not me. After weeks of replaying what went wrong, what went right, and all of the typical questions that plague one at the end of a relationship, I couldn't help but wonder.
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Kelechi Okafor: 'I'm not hiding my white boyfriend'

Saying that you are attracted to a specific ethnic group, or that you find particular racialised features sexually appealing, is not a compliment or something positive. This is racial fetishisation and it is a form of racism. Rather than recognising the problematic nature of these attitudes, some argue that expressing an attraction for a specific ethnic group is simply what they prefer — in the same way that you might say you are attracted to tall men, or women with red hair. But that argument ignores the specific dynamics of racial power hierarchies that make racial fetishisation different and more damaging than a simple romantic preference.
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Actress and dancer Kelechi Okafor has built a large online following talking about issues affecting black British women. But recently, she has been under attack on social media for having a white fiance - which some have accused her of hiding. A while ago I thought, why does it seem that most prominent black female activists seem to be dating white men? Then I had a moment of introspection where I thought, hang on, I'm one of those women. I speak up about racism and sexism affecting black women.
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